


excuse me, your hobby is WHAT?!

by heibai



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Misunderstandings, References to Oral Sex, and by mild i mean lemon and herb, comedic misunderstandings, dating app shenanigans, dumb dumber dumbest, heibai inauguration at writing wayv centric fics lmao, tinder dates and all that jazz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29900958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heibai/pseuds/heibai
Summary: Philately (/fɪˈlætəliː/; fi-LAT-ə-lee)- the sexual activity of sucking or moving the tongue across the— wait a second…That’s not what it means???Orwhen Yangyang used a dating app for the first time and got himself a freak.… or did he?
Relationships: Liu Yang Yang & Wong Kun Hang | Hendery, Liu Yang Yang/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 58





	excuse me, your hobby is WHAT?!

**Author's Note:**

> Rated T for mild sexual content (mostly descriptions of oral sex) and mild language.  
> Also i guess rated T for **Thick** because in this world everyone is a morosexual lmao

Yangyang never used a dating app before.

Not because he’s a traditionalist (he kinda _is..._ ), but because he’s confident enough with his ‘ensnaring that cute GS25 cashier only with a grin and a cute _thankyeww’_ charm abilities that he never saw the need for one. 

That day was different, though. Yangyang was bored, and his attention span felt like it’d been shaved down to increments of 10 seconds where he could only jump from one browser tab to the other on two different devices. Head empty, just restless.

Seemingly pitying him, Hendery recommended he download something to anchor his mind on. "A dating app, maybe?" He said.

Seeing no better option, he relented. For the first time ever, Yangyang downloaded his first dating app. He matched with five S-rank prospects and secured three dates for the next 48 hours in less than fifteen minutes. Hendery was terribly jealous. 

Also, lucky for him, his first right-swiper lived very close to his apartment. With a sense of excitement that bubbled up so rapidly he could _taste it_ at the back of his throat, Yangyang shot his shot and suggested they meet up at a nearby cafe. _In fifteen minutes,_ he typed. 

_‘Oh wow!_ _  
__Uh…  
_ _Alright, just let me get ready for a bit.’_

_— Jun_

Hendery gawked at the chat from over his shoulder. “That’s honestly the most SFW respond to a desperate hook up call I’ve ever seen”

“I am _not_ doing this for a hookup,” Yangyang rebutted as he briskly went and put on his coat. 

“You don’t deny you’re desperate.”

Yangyang could only roll his eyes in exasperation, and closed the door to cut the sound of Hendery’s laughter short. 

_

Jun turns out to be short for _Dejun,_ which turns out to be the real name of _Xiaojun from Management 201_ that Hendery would occasionally mention when he’s recapping Yangyang about his day.

“So you’re Hendery’s roommate!” _Xiao-_ Jun said. When earlier Yangyang referred to him as _Jun,_ he visibly blushed and insisted that Yangyang call him with the addition of that adorable prefix. “You’re a friend of a friend, don’t call me _that,”_ he blabbed, all the while trying to fan the heat away from his pinkish cheeks. 

“Ooh, so Jun is your _hookup_ name.” 

Poor guy nearly choked on his iced latte after hearing Yangyang’s quick witted observation. From the way he acted, giggling uncontrollably and nearly tearing up in embarrassment, it was an accurate one. 

Yangyang didn’t know what came over him when he teased Xiaojun like that. To show that he shouldn’t be stiff just because Yangyang was younger? To instantly detonate the _‘hello, stranger’_ barrier between them? Or because he _was_ desperate, and this _was_ an attempt at a hookup, because who was he kidding. He teased because he wanted to see Xiaojun flustered and blushing just that little bit longer. 

Oh, lord have mercy. 

His old school natural charm, combined with the new school technology of dating apps…? 

Yangyang is _unstoppable._

_

“Your hobby is _what?”_

Coffee turned to dinner, turned to Yangyang frantically canceling all the random dates with other matches he’d set earlier in the day, turned to a round of casual drinking _and perhaps something more_ in the overgrown garden beside Xiaojun’s apartment complex because they needed fresh air, and they lacked the fundings to do anything fancier. 

Yangyang didn’tneed fancy, though. Not at all. As light conversations that peppered their light makeout session was more than enough to fulfill the reason for why he agreed on doing a dating-app-date in the first place. Like Hendery said, _anchoring_ himself back onto the Earth.

Sadly, that secure feeling of complete mindfulness didn't stay with him for long. Yangyang found himself flying right back up to the very outermost layer of Earth’s atmosphere when he heard Xiaojun’s answer to his fifteenth random _‘get to know me better’_ question of the day. 

“Philately. Our uni even has a club for it surprisingly!” 

Yangyang frowned at that answer. He squinted his eyes and stared deeply at his lap. On the outside he looked like he was trying hard to read the ingredients of the bottle of soju they were sharing, but actually his mind was wandering far, far, far away... in confusion. 

“Wait… isn’t that,–?”

“Oh _shit.”_

Before he could finish his sentence, Xiaojun interrupted him when he quickly jumped to his feet and began pacing around in a tight circle as he frantically typed a long reply to the message that’d disrupted their time together _just_ as it was about to turn for the best (or weirdest?).

“I’m _so_ sorry, I gotta go.”

Yangyang then also rose to his feet. Affected by the sudden increase of anxiety levels in the air, he began to follow Xiaojun around. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,– uhh, I didn’t know I have an online quiz due _tonight.”_ Xiaojun finally stopped his pacings and faced Yangyang with the same, endearing giggle he let out earlier. But although Yangyang wanted to _be_ endeared by it, he could only look at Xiaojun with half-empty eyes and lips that were crooked ever so slightly to show his ever present confusion. 

It was a blessing that Xiaojun was so panicked, so he didn’t have to catch all those oddities and instead only gave Yangyang a casual patting on his shoulders before he awkwardly walk-jogged his way out of the garden, waving all the way until he went around a bend that took him out of sight.

“Text me later!” He yelled before it happened. And soon Yangyang was left standing alone in a dark, overgrown garden, staring holes into the swaying foliage of a nearby camellia tree. 

_Philately…?_ He mouthed the word, and finally, without the presence of fear of offending someone, his confused grimace grew to be most pronounced. 

Yangyang never used a dating app before and the first man he met from it is a _serial cock sucker???_

_

“Isn’t that a chocolate brand?”

“That’s _Jirardheli,_ stupid.”

“... you mean _Ghirardelli,–?”_

Yangyang ignored Hendery’s off-handed correction and sank further into their lumpy sofa. 

“I’m sex positive,” he mumbled to himself, over and over. The words seeped from between the gaps of his palms that were plopped right over his heated face. _“I’m sex positive, I’m sex positive, I’m sex positive.”_

Hendery sat back down onto the kitchen chair with a sigh, and returned to the same quiz that took Xiaojun away from him before he managed to get some much needed elaboration regarding his _odd hobby_. “You’re a _whore.”_

“Well, aren’t you surprised after hearing this?!” Yangyang yelled. For the first time in almost two minutes he peeked away from the curtain of his hands and his face was nearly beet red. He reassured himself that it was caused by the near auto asphyxiation courtesy to his palms, and not by the flashes of raunchy imagination that’d plagued him since the second he decided to ditch the public garden and walk his way back home. In it, Xiaojun was doing his _hobby_ while being watched by the rest of his club members, cheering him on as they made a circle around him and a lucky volunteer. _How about two lucky volunteers?_ Feeling disturbed, Yangyang shook the image away and wondered, how could there even be a club for dick sucking in their university anyway????

“He looked so… so…”

“Nerdy?”

“Angelic.”

Hendery retched, “I’m more surprised that a dork like him can have a string of catches steady enough to turn it into a _hobby.”_

“He’s more handsome than you.” Yangyang muttered.

Hendery must’ve caught it, because his ears perked up and turned slightly pink. But he gave Yangyang no satisfaction of an outburst by staying silent and quietly clacking onward with his quiz. 

Feeling utterly bored once again, Yangyang picked up his phone and fulfilled the request that was yelled at him in the garden. He texted Xiaojun for where they should meet next.

_

  
  


He dreamt of Xiaojun that night. 

The type of dream that left him struggling to look at Xiaojun straight in the eyes when Yangyang greeted him in front of their university's library at the next day. How can he? To return so quickly to the reality of their painfully young relationship when just the night before Xiaojun visited him in his dreams and… treated him in ways that a mere acquaintance _shouldn’t._

Well, to be fair, Hendery did remind him that the whole purpose of a dating app hookup _is_ to score a quick hole in one (weird metaphor but ok), so why not turn his dream to reality? _‘If his hobby really is sucking dicks, then I’m pretty sure he’s been planning to suck yours even before yall met in the first place,’_ he said to Yangyang during breakfast. Quite a sound argument but Yangyang digressed. He’s a modern casanova, ya’know. He has his pride. Asking for something to be given to him freely made him feel… useless. Like he’s nothing more but a charity case that Xiaojun would coddle and coo at. Not that he would object if that’s Xiaojun’s thing. But at the very least, allow him to _earn_ the dick sucking, huh? Let him feel it as something he deserved, that he _won._

He didn’t want to end up as just a sticker on Xiaojun’s dick sucking diary, or whatever way he does to immortalise his collection. 

Yangyang could imagine it. His name, age, height, weight, favourite food and drinks or whatever else, written neatly on a small box of a weekly planner like an observation to one lab specimen out of hundreds. _Today I sucked another dick._ He imagined Xiaojun’s handwriting to be scrawly and thin, but still very aesthetically pleasing. Perfect graphology representation of the man himself. _Today I sucked a dick. It took me two days to get him. Not the best record but well, I was interrupted. If not, I could’ve called time in about two hours, maybe even broke the sub two regional record. Ah well. Anyways, he’s quite desperate, but still very sweet. An enjoyable package. Might call for seconds._

Disturbing. 

“Anything on your mind?” His wandering thoughts were called to a halt when Xiaojun gave his arm a poke, “you’re unusually quiet.” 

Everything rushed back to him. The bustle of their university's cafeteria at rush hour, the cold bottle of energy drink he’s been gripping so tightly. They sat at the corner table, right by the entrance of the kitchens, huddled close together and sharing a plate of piping hot thick cut fries that Xiaojun paid for as a form of _‘apology for ditching you last night’_.

Yangyang forgot how close they were. He turned to face Xiaojun and was greeted with the sight of his lips, hanging merely an inch away from his face. Moist and plumped by the oil of the fries, Yangyang nearly choked on the ones half mushed at the back of his throat.

"I'm fine," he managed to say, "tough class earlier." It looked as if Xiaojun was about to reply with something. Or maybe he was just about to yawn because hot damn, is this second date turning to be such a borefest or what? Yangyang didn't allow it to happen though. He stole the time, and place, and opportunity to speak by slamming his palm on the table so hard that a few chips flew out of the styrofoam plate.

"About your hobby!" He said quite loudly, and paused. Because it was then Xiaojun’s turn at choking on his chips, with a few half-chewed pieces even flying out of his lips together with his spattering laughter.

"Love the enthusiasm!" He said when he recovered, "quite rare coming from people like you but I appreciate it.”

“People like me...?” 

"You just don't look like someone who'll be into all that kinda stuff, you know? But glad to see that you are!”

Wait. Does Xiaojun think he's... a _pillow prince?_ Quite an insult, but Yangyang won't take it as one, because it was apparent that Xiaojun didn't mean it as one. He also didn't want to jeopardise their second date more than he has then, so he overlooked it and marched on,

“Yeah, so...uh,–“ _what made you realise you love sucking dicks so much that you decided to turn it into a hobby?_ Yangyang wanted to ask, but he stopped himself right on time. 

He let out a small cough and corrected his course, "when did you start getting into it?"

Xiaojun hummed, “let's see... probably when I was 10?”

This meeting really was filled with a lot of choking, huh? Because then, Yangyang nearly snorted a mouthful of Gatorade up his nostrils. _“Ten?!”_ By this point, both his palms were pressed tight onto the cafeteria table. They stuck to it like the fingers of a gecko due to how sweaty he was getting. “Is that even allowed??”

“lt might be an odd thing to do for a kid,” he shrugged, “but my parents were very supportive of it. I mean, I got my first few valuables from my grandpa!”

_That's one fucked up family for sure!_ He thought. Yangyang’s utter confusion manifested in a crooked... curve on his lips. Not exactly a forced grin, and most definitely not a smile. Something between a grimace and a terrified gawk. He was at such a loss of words that he could only respond with an awkward laughter.

Seeing the obvious bewilderment on his face, the pure excitement on Xiaojun's face dimmed into something of a resigned acceptance, "god, you must think I'm super weird."

"That might be an understatement!” Yangyang huffed, getting more and more confused the longer he dug into the mystery that was _Xiao Dejun._ The deeper he went, the more he was… _gagged?_ At the height of his confusion, he saw no other way to go but to surrender and play along, “so you must be like, super good at it, huh?

"Depends on what you consider as good." Xiaojun said, "never got any complaints though.”

“Fair, fair,” he nodded gravely.

Xiaojun then went on a mini enthusiastic blabber, after seeing the little bit of amazement in Yangyang’s eyes that he must’ve interpreted as curiosity. “It’s a relatively easy hobby, right? But sometimes it does get tedious. All the cleaning, the peeling, checking for defects, all that jazz. Do you think licking things that have old saliva on it is disgusting?” 

Yangyang has adapted well enough in this conversation to the point where he knew he shouldn’t have any food or drinks in his mouth while it was happening. So, when bombshells like _those_ were dropped on him, he could quickly recover with only a polite cough, “how old are you talking about?”

“Like, years.”

“Damn… that’s rough.” 

“Yeah. I know,” he let a low laugh. A _schadenfreude-ish_ laughter, as if he was only sharing with Yangyang an awful instance of the weather. Or the bus being late. “Sometimes I’m too lazy to use the wipes and just _lick ‘em_ to get things going _,_ you know? I mean, the germs must’ve all died by then, right?”

_“I guesssss?”_ Yangyang sounded like the air that came out when you pinched the opening of a deflated balloon. He was giggling too, because all these bizarre conversation beats were getting much too confusing for him.

His head was ringing, and he felt like he was at the verge of falling into a hyperventilative episode. The weight Xiaojun put into all these made him feel like he was being _brainwashed_ into thinking that hey, joining the circus might not be that bad of a thing! _Maybe._ he will really ask Xiaojun for a demonstration after this. _Maybe,_ he'll willingly submit himself to be just another specimen in Xiaojun’s dick collection! And if he proves to be as good as how he's been selling it, maybe Yangyang would consider joining the club himself. Why the heck not, right?

“Do you at least get paid for it?” He joked. He was joking. _He was joking._

Unfortunately for him, Xiaojun’s response was anything but. “Heh.” He scoffed, and the tiny droplets of spit that flew out of his plump, pretty lips felt like giant globs of raindrops when they fell onto the back of Yangyang’s hands. “I wish. _I’m burning money_ to do it!”

Hearing that, Yangyang could only stare at a fixed point in the distance, smiling.

_All right now, where is the camera?_

___

_  
  
_

Sex positive. _I’m sex positive. I’m sex positive._ Yangyang hasn't stopped reminding himself of that fact since early last night. A monotonous track that’s been repeatedly playing at the back of his head throughout his early morning class, his afternoon class, _the surreal lunch with Xiaojun,_ and even then. When he was trying so hard to concentrate on his homework deep in the silent section of his university’s library. 

His eyes were staring at the second question of his anthropology assignment but his mind was swimming around the interaction he had with Xiaojun earlier.

Yes, he’s sex positive. He went out to fool around probably once every two weeks or something, and meeting people who are way more active in their sexual life than him has _never been a problem before._ But the fact that Xiaojun was able to talk about such a weird, quite a lot NSFW, very much not normal _hobby_ of his with someone who was technically a _stranger_ made him feel as if something was not completely _right_ here. 

Too much of something is bad, isn’t it? He wished math worked in a way where positive times positive would result in a negative because at least with that he can present a concrete argument to Xiaojun without coming across as being a bothered prude. Or worse, a conceited white knight on his high horse that went around going _‘hohoho I’m sorta more holier than thou because I only ask for a dick to suck once a month! Come with me and stop being a freak!’_

Everything just felt… _wrong._ Completely off kilter. Like he was trying to finish a puzzle but the pieces came from two different boxes. One that said _'T_ _hat lofi compilation girl on youtube’_ and the other that said _'_ _a scene from a hardcore BDSM den’._

Words he typed seemed to unspool into lines. Sharp features, striking eyebrows. Hair, too long and floppy, strands freely falling over Xiaojun's eyes and nearly stabbing them when he looked up to Yangyang. In the dream? Or earlier? Or maybe last night? Where Xiaojun always had to peek out of his curtain of hair when he surfaced to breathe in between kisses. The caps of his keyboards felt too pronounced under his fingers and it seemed to give his memories the sense of touch. Bringing the glimpses of his dream to be much more than it ever was. The hushed sound of paper rustling, people typing, faint coughs, were all amplified much more than they really were and when he closed his eyes he could see _them._ Tangled in the middle of his imagination. In it, Xiaojun made him finish, and instead of looking up at him with his wonderful smile, he expectantly stared at the circle of spectators that were giving his performance a polite, golf-competition-level applause. 

Yangyang woke himself up from his vivid _daymare_ with the feeling of his palms smacking harshly against the table. The collective sound of hushing from the students sitting around him sounded like the rustling of a colony of ants, moving together inside their burrow. 

His palms itched. 

  
_  
  


_‘Whatsup.’_ Hendery’s voice crackled to life through his earphones after the fifth ring. 

Yangyang, finally giving up on his homework, decided to then go and pace around the entrance of the building where Xiaojun was taking his evening tutorial class. If earlier Xiaojun allowed him to enter the building and drop him off at the doorstep of his class, Yangyang would’ve paced _there._ But as he was too lazy and too embarrassed to peek into all 20 teaching rooms in the building, he quickly settled with his next best offer. 

Now then.

Physical movement led to a decrease of speed in which his mind was spinning. That, in turn, led to boredom. So in a last ditch effort to not make himself start second guessing his decision to stay over at school two hours past his usual go-home time for a person he met last night at a _dating app_ , Yangyang picked up his phone and called Hendery.

“I can’t let it go.” He whined, unabashedly.

_‘Let what go? Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts on selling your PS4,–‘_

“No stupid. It’s about your _friend.”_

Hendery let out a tired sigh as he said that. Yangyang also heard a soft _poof_ right after and knew that Hendery had just thrown himself on their sofa, who itself let out a sigh just as tired as Hendery’s. _‘Man, he’s just a hookup. Chill’_

“But,–”

_‘Don’t tell me you’re smitten.’_

Yangyang wanted to say no, but he choked on his saliva before he managed to say so. It was as if the phantom of their earlier shared chips were still haunting him and tripping him up every few words or something. Knowing that the universe wasn’t allowing him to lie, Yangyang joined Hendery in his sighs, and shrugged, “so _what_ if I do.”

_‘Nothing much, really. It’s quite on brand, to be honest.’_

Yangyang groaned at that, and Hendery’s laughter came soon after.

_‘Look, man. You’ve only known him for like, what, 5 hours? If you’re really disturbed by him, just ditch. Easy.’_ Hendery said his words in a throwaway fashion, but the impact they had on Yangyang was immense. They even managed to stop him right on his tracks. _‘Like, do it head on, none of your detours and assumptions and all that. If he really bothers you, why bother, you know?’_

“Just ditch, huh?” Yangyang mumbled deep in thought. 

_‘Right. Honestly, he had it coming for telling you something super personal like that on yall’s first meeting.’_

“But he’s your _friend._ You sure you're cool with that?”

_‘I mean I’m not childish enough to mix problems you have with your hookups with how I treat my uni acquaintance. Besides, he never told me that his hobby is sucking dicks. So…’ _

In his idleness, Yangyang had resorted to nail biting as his thoughts were starting to crystalise. It felt like just one more second and they would pierce through him like arrows that would lead him to a much needed conclusion. He knew he didn’t need it to be good. He didn’t _need_ good news. Just something that made sense, dear lord Jesus Christ superstar.

But before such a thing could happen, he was interrupted. Yangyang hastily ended his call and scrambled to adopt a facade that he hoped would not come across as something _creepy,_ because there he was. Xiaojun, walking out of the building with a gaggle of his fellow students.

Although, he shouldn’t have worried too much. 

Their eyes met, and Xiaojun smiled. Heck, he _grinned,_ flagging Yangyang with a friendly wave that he could only answer with something much more… awkward. 

“Feeling nice, huh?” Xiaojun said in passing, as he walked ahead of Yangyang down the main road of their school. He seemed so _sure_ that Yangyang would follow him, so confident of it, that he didn’t even look back _once._

He only did it when Yangyang caught up with him. Even then, it was effortless. Almost cheeky, even. It nearly felt like Xiaojun was enacting payback for all the times Yangyang’d teased him last night. 

“I mean, we live right next to each other,” he shrugged, “why not, right?”

Xiaojun scoffed, and his grin mellowed out into a smile. Pretty, pretty smile made by lips he couldn’t stop fantasising about. “Right… so I guess dinner’s still on me then?”

He felt a little twinge of irritation towards Hendery. Ditching Xiaojun would be easy, he said? Easy my ass… 

_

  
  


Xiaojun laughed when Yangyang pulled their half finished bottle of soju from his backpack. “I’m sorry it’s warm.”

“That’s fine,” Xiaojun said, already in the process of unscrewing the top loose. Once he did, he tossed the thing to the nearby bin. He knew they were going to finish that thing tonight, no matter what.

Dinner, once again, turned to a stroll down the public garden by Xiaojun’s apartment. They walked to their spot from last night and sat on the very same bench, nursing the very same bottle of soju between the two of them. Kissing the very same lips. 

In the ambient silence, immersing himself in the soft, alcohol scented lips of his date, Yangyang tried _so hard_ to convince himself that he could live like this. Just for fun, right? Just a booty call. Just a _hookup,_ as Hendery said. Whatever happened when he wasn’t there doesn’t matter. Whoever’s dick Xiaojun sucked on the side doesn’t _matter._ It _never_ should. Xiaojun wouldn’t have ever worried about him, getting jealous or creepily obsessed with someone he just met _literally last night,_ probing him about his sexual habits and asking him to stop just because _he’s_ uncomfortable with it. 

It didn’t matter. It should never have mattered.

But then Xiaojun raked his fingers down the length of his neck, settling as loose claws around the collar of his shirt. He then dragged his lips, softly, across the cut of Yangyang’s jaw before stopping at the sensitive skin underneath his earlobe. “So?” Xiaojun drawled the start of his ask, breath coming and going in a heavy flow from the kiss he just freed himself from, “you wanna continue this at my place and see what I’m good at or what?”

That broke him. Yangyang jumped straight to the air and dropped down a fair distance away from Xiaojun so sharply and suddenly that it caused _the both of them_ to break out in surprised shrieks. 

“What?! _What what?! What?!!?!?!”_ It seemed that Xiaojun thought Yangyang’s surprise was caused by some sort of insect flying and landing on his head, because he wasted the next thirty seconds swatting and slapping at his hair and shoulders like a madman. Yangyang could’ve stolen that moment to reconfigure himself. Find a new center. Chillax a lil bit. 

He didn’t. 

“I can’t do it!” Instead, he yelled, with his voice still hitched with panicked almost-hyperventilation that caused it to peep up into a mouse-like pitch. 

The mood whiplash was enough to stop Xiaojun from playing his blind game of whack-a-mole. “Huh?”

“I… you… I don’t… I don’t think I can do it.” 

Xiaojun’s expression softened into an empathetic smile so quickly it felt like a punch on Yangyang’s belly. “Oh? I went too quickly, didn’t I? It’s ok, we can take it,–“

“It’s not _that.”_ Yangyang interrupted, “I just don’t think I can accept your… lifestyle.”

Xiaojun frowned at that, “what do you mean?”

“I’m cool with people being sexually active. Really! I’m chill with people who have weird kinks, or are a bit of a sex addict, or… or like, are a bit of a sexual deviant, just not that extreme, you know? I’m totally fine. But I’m just… I don’t know, it feels like… I just don’t think I’m ready to ignore the fact that you’re so _active_ and _comfortable_ with your… well, _sexual activities_ that you made it your hobby! Like, good on you, honestly, but I just don’t think I can overlook that so I’m _so, so_ sorry. I think you’re a really great guy but I’m just,–”

“Wait…” Xiaojun interrupted his light speed babble with a soft, drawn out request. He sounded… confused. He _looked_ confused, rapidly blinking his eyes with a little frown scrunching up his striking eyebrows together. He seemed to be just as confused as Yangyang was, and it proved to be enough to put his blabbers to a halt. “Hold on a second, Yangyang…” that was the second time Xiaojun has ever said his name and he felt like he was going to break when he realised it could be his last, “what do you think _philately_ means?” 

Yangyang paused for quite a while, before cocking his head in an innocent act of stating the obvious, “the act of sucking dicks, right?” 

Silence fell between the two of them. So long, in fact, that the ambient noise that surrounded them seemed to settle together with the dust from their previous kerfuffle. All the while, Xiaojun looked at him, _stared,_ actually, with wide eyes and a slightly gaping mouth. He looked like a robot, being rebooted. On the opposite side, Yangyang nearly forgot how to breathe from how quickly pressure and anticipation was building in his chest cavity. It was as if his white blood cell was quickly building an anvil made out of lead, ready to be dropped on top of his heart at a moment’s notice. 

Ok. Actually, only _five seconds_ passed between him admitting that he only has one functioning brain cell and Xiaojun breaking down into laughter so hard he began crying, but for Yangyang, it felt like _centuries._

“What??? What? _What?!?!”_ It was then Yangyang’s turn to grow all panicky at Xiaojun’s antics. He even resorted to shaking Xiaojun’s shoulder quite violently to get him to spit out the sentence that was stuck for nearly thirty seconds behind his potent laughter and pained hisses from his cramping stomach muscle.

“Ph,– philately is,– _stamp collecting_ you dumbass!” 

  
  
  
  


_… Eeeeh?_

  
  
  
  


“What?!”

“Phi-la-te-ly. _Stamp. Collecting._ Collecting stamp.” With shaking fingers, Xiaojun struggled to unlock his phone and pull up a wikipedia page on _philately._ He managed, after like, a full minute of going up and down the rollercoaster of giggles and manic laughter, and gave his phone to a mortified Yangyang.

“But… but but but but then what is _that fancy word for giving blowjobs???”_ He asked as he frantically read the introduction sentence of _philately, the study of postage stamps and postal history._

“You’re thinking of _felatio,_ dumbass.” 

“Stop calling me _dumbass!”_ He whined. Yangyang was the one who looked like he was about to cry then. Out of embarrassment, he was about to just ditch it all, as Hendery suggested, and leave Xiaojun alone in that garden, block him on all social media platforms, and move university too, probably. 

But as usual, before it could happen, Xiaojun put a stop to his _premeditated attempt_ by pulling him into a hug. A nice hug. A friendly hug. A ruffle in the hair hug. _Alright_ it was more of an _aww look at how cute you are_ hug than anything else but from the way Yangyang was acting? Stomping his feet and shaking his shoulders and pouting like a five year old throwing a tantrum? Completely and utterly fitting. 

“Hey, don’t feel too bad. It’s actually happened to me more than you might think.” Xiaojun said. His tone sounded casual, and genuine. It didn’t feel as if he was setting traps for Yangyang to trip on so he could tease him further. And for that, Yangyang decided, with a heavy heart, to let his annoyance go. 

“Then you should’ve caught my misunderstanding sooner…” he mumbled. The sound of Xiaojun’s good natured laughter to his verbal jab disintegrated the weight on his shoulders and for the first time in a full day, Yangyang could breathe freely. 

He was just unlucky (or is he?) that his unblocked breathing passage might not stay that way for long. 

Xiaojun kissed him once again, on the exact same spot where he left off before Yangyang’s freakout. It was such a silky smooth continuation of his previous preposition that it took a second for Yangyang’s breathing to hitch. 

“So, we’re cool now, aren’t we?”

With much difficulty, Yangyang swallowed, “cool as ice.” 

For a self proclaimed casanova, that was a garbage attempt at setting the tone, Yangyang… 

Lucky for him, Xiaojun was not one to drop the ball during crunch time. “Who’s to say I’m _not_ also good at _felatio,_ huh?” He said, extending the syllables of the cursed word so exaggeratedly it earned him a hit on his thigh by the still touchy Yangyang. To that, he only laughed.

“Come,” he extended his hand to Yangyang as an offer. An _irresistible_ offer, at that. Because even if Yangyang’s face was still heated and stiff from all the embarrassment, he didn’t waste even a second in accepting it with an excited grin to boot. “Let me show you how good I am doing my _second_ hobby.”

  
  
  


Yangyang downloaded his first dating app just yesterday. And it seems that he won’t be using it again anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

> My first wayv-centric fic!!! omg!!!!!!  
> I've been wanting to write for wayv for a while now and one day this idea came to me in a nap i was like 'yall.... what if.... someone mistakenly think that philately is _felatio_ ' and i knew i have to write it for Yangyang LMAOO  
> This is really enjoyable ;;; i will surely incorporate more of them into my stories in the future ;;;
> 
> hmu @ my twitter [@moon__soil](https://twitter.com/moon__soil)  
> or @ my tumblr (which nowadays I frequent more often) [@heibaihuangzi](https://heibaihuangzi.tumblr.com/)


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